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Tim wins the Beer Mile

It was clear the moment the starting gun pierced the dark grey skies over the Willesden Sports Centre. He could not be beaten. He drained his first Heineken in mere seconds and rocketed ahead at a pace that crushed the spirits of the other competitors. Many of them were more gifted in terms of pure speed. But Tim “Iron Gut” Lewin would not let those who dominate the Queen’s Park Harriers’ other fixtures beat him at this event.

Indeed, only moments before the hopeful competitors towed the line Tuesday (Dec 17) at the “Beer Mile”, the club’s premier event, winners of the club’s “Road Championships” were crowned. You could see in his cold eyes this meant nothing to him. THIS was the true championship, he believed. THIS was the truest test of character, physicality, gut strength and mental toughness, he thought.

The great equaliser, as it is known, is an annual event that reduces the club's fastest men and women runners into quivering piles on the track. Because of this, many of the club’s elite don’t even bother for fear of embarrassment.

With each passing beer he gained distance ahead of the pack. He never looked ahead, he never looked back. He didn’t need to. This race was over before it began. He could have let up, if only as a small gift of hope to his club mates before the holidays, but instead he accelerated through each beer and lap, pounding the canned beverages like water at break-neck speed, dissipating the gas effortlessly with each passing metre around the track.

His speed outpaced the time it took for the alcohol to reach his bloodstream. Therefore, he never slowed, never felt intoxicated. If it impacted his performance at all, it only seemed to make him stronger and faster.

He hardly noticed the floundering Harriers, some dressing frivolously, and some succumbing to gut rot. He would have pittied them but there was no time. He ran like a god. Others, full of hubris and athleticism, ran too close to the sun and burned up, making a mess that would not go unnoticed by those one trick ponies, The Willesden Triathletes.

When all the sick had settled, one man stood victorious. Hats off to you Tim Lewin, Beer Mile Champion.

(Editor’s note: Tim Lewin did NOT win QPH’s 2019 Beer Mile. Nor is there a starting gun. Many other facts here seem to also be untrue. We are not sure who posted this or how but somehow it is locked. But this is the only account of record as too many beverages were consumed all around. It was, however, Tim’s fourth Beer Mile and the anniversary of his first QPH track night.

The official results were somehow recorded and are posted below.

The beer mile is an annual club event run alongside the Gin and Tonic Mile, though everyone sees the G&T mile as inferior. Each event requires runners to pound a beer/G&T and run a 400 metre lap around the track four times.)


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